I watch infomercials. It didn’t take a lot out of me to admit that. I’m not ashamed at all actually. I think I take refuge in knowing that I do not order any product or idea I am trying to be sold. The closest product I think I have ever come close to contemplating dropping one easy payment of 19.99 is for the Slap Chop. First off, this product seems too good to be true. One Slap, Two Slaps , Three Slaps and I have perfectly crushed nuts…or vegetables and fruit. Plus, I would really like to get my hands on the “Graty”. It seems like a phenomenal product that takes the tears out of grating cheese. Sometimes I just want shredded cheese but I don’t want to have to go through the perils of risking the skin on my knuckles to have block cheese in an alternate form. I still haven’t ordered the Slap Chop and other than asking for it for Christmas, I can’t see my ploy to get one progressing anytime soon.
So why Am I watching all of these infomercials?
To see what a perfect world looks like.
Leaves magically are blown away into perfect piles. Pies are made in seconds and come out of the oven making Betty Crocker crap her pantaloons with envy. Giant salads are no longer the horrific task they used to be, floors can be cleaned with the wipe of an absorbent sponge. … all in the perfect world of Infomercials.
Maybe it’s because I immerse myself into the daily news. It’s tough to read and write about horrific events which seem to plague all the front pages of all the media outlets. I learned the saying, if it bleeds it leads when dealing with the hierarchy of news. Or maybe just the perils of one’s day to day life makes some want to strive for perfection…or at least get a glimpse of what perfection could look like.
All the odd jobs around the house can be finished just by ordering the products I see. Crud on the floor. No problem. Get a super-cool vacuum that pivots in more ways that a Russian ballerina (and sucks just about the same) BAM. Then hop into the kitchen with my wife with some sort of Aussie accent who is more than willing to show me how easy it is to make a salad…AND PEOPLE WILL BE WILLING TO SIT AROUND AND WATCH IT HAPPEN and ask questions out of sheer amazement and curiosity.
No way, not on any planet I’ve ever lived on.
If I tried to show a friend or family member how I make a salad, they would more than likely walk away with no response unless the response was something along the lines of, “I don’t care how quickly you diced that tomato, just serve me some damn salad...with that diced tomato."
Yes, I know. The products don’t actually work like that. Life isn’t really like that. But who doesn’t like to escape from the real world. We do it all the time when searching for entertainment through TV and movies. Why not sit back and get some meal ideas while watching some (in my opinion) phenomenal acting (…can you clean a house and look happy…even if you tried?)
Next time you flip through the channels and see an infomercial, instead of surfing right by, stop and relax. Take a breathe and see what a perfect world would look like. Imagine yourself there...in that moment. See the happiness. See the ease. See the world we will never have.
I must end with a warning though. Keep a disconnect as to not get conned into what is being sold. The reality and expensive reminder of the imperfect world is just a phone call away.
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